I find myself hopelessly drifting away slowly but surely from this whole writing thing. It happens every now and then that I just become uninspired or disconnected but for some reason this just feels like a different disconnect. From time to time I find my self unmotivated to put my fingers to the keys and point out some cultural bias, or an internal flaw, or whatever other social norm I self righteously hope to spark awareness about. However there always comes that spark that lights my cliched writing and puts me back on my feet, and typing the greatest words that come to mind. This time I can’t seem to stumble upon that spark that would get the gears grinding to the point that would seem worthy of typing. Even putting the pen to the paper hasn’t worked as it often times has done in the past.
I gather my thoughts around these ramblings to see if I could formulate some type of theory as to why my words aren’t inspiring my biggest critic: myself. The best I could come up with was that I sold myself to the devil so to speak. I’ve seemed to begin what some would call the “pre-break up” phase where you’re not really sure about the decision and you are weighing your options. I’m falling out of love with writing because I’ve marginalized what I valued so much about writing into a business to create some form of capital. And since the capital has yet to flow in I find myself more and more frustrated with the concept of what it means to be a “blogger”.
Don’t get me wrong, I never want to seem as if I am anti blogger, because let’s face it at the end of the day that is one of the titles I own on my long list. But when I started writing my thoughts online four years ago, (ironically on the current blogger.com which was originally Blogspot) I never set out to be a “blogger”. I didn’t start out aiming for fame, or followers, or to promote different brands and companies. All I wanted to do was be able to write, and share my thoughts, opinions, and ideas on different aspects on things that I was encountering on a daily basis. I didn’t care about the comments, or the subscriptions because I was doing it for me and not for the attention of others. While in that “blogging” mindset I enjoyed the random comments, questions, or follows because I knew, or figured that they were out of genuine and authentic interest to what I was talking about.
Blogging however has taken on a completely new life all on its own at this point. It’s become a new social media outlet for people to discuss any and everything going on at a moments notice. It seems that blogs get updated with new information way quicker than any news channel could hope to, and its all about the clicks than the content. I knew last year when my title officially changed from just a writer to a “blogger” that I’d face some hesitations because of the way blogs were now being approached, created, and viewed. I still dove in and went for it, because I figured that having what I love to do as a part of my hustle could only be a plus in the long run. And now fast forward a year later here I am questioning how I can get back in touch with the true inspiration that made me want to write in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with being a blogger and I truly love reading some blogs that I run into from time to time. However I never set in mind to be a blogger so I wasn’t prepared for what the word currently entails. My first step to my reconnection: stop calling myself a blogger. I think thats where I started to fail myself really, is by calling myself a blogger. The word has turned into something else and I think being a writer is more closely related to who I am. It seems as though if I do choose to label myself as something a writer would be more pleasing to the ear and my pen!